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Archive for the ‘sex and relationships’ Category

As I’ve talked about before on this blog, I’ve had quite a few relationships with inappropriate men. Whether they be emotionally unavailable to me (ie: married, taken or single with lots of hang ups) and I don’t regret one of those. Why don’t I regret it? I don’t regret much besides 1) getting out of the Navy (long story – maybe saved for the blogathon) and 2) never going to college (although this is fixable).

I think regrets and fear in relationships hold me back from my full potential and the potential of whatever relationship is in question.

However. When said emotionally unavailable man and I part company and go our separate ways, that’s how it stays. At least, that’s how I thought it was supposed to stay.

Since I made my decision to move to San Diego, my main focus has been on finding a job, trying not to freak the fuck out because I’m walking away from everything I’ve ever known for 37 years and just generally not focusing on anything but the move. That was one long fucking sentence. Sorry.

Back to the point. Since I made my decision to move, several men from my past that work for the same place I do, have contacted me. One has even gone as far as offering up “one last night” to remember each other by. What.the.hell. They’ve come out of the wood work (mind you there are probably about 5 people I’m talking about here). Two have asked me out to “lunch.” Another two have asked me out for “cocktails” and the other one expressed some deeply felt emotions.

Considering that all 5 of them are emotionally unavailable to me, I question their motives. Why say this stuff to me? There’s been so much said between a few of us that I just have to wonder what the fuck makes them tick? I can see through the ones who have asked me out for drinks or lunch. I know them pretty well, which makes them terribly nervous.

I called two of them on their shit and they admitted what they were after. They want one last, no strings attached fling before I leave. I told them to pound sand. I so don’t need this headache.

I’m done. I’m done playing with these men in Vegas. The relationship/affair (whatever you want to call it) didn’t last for a reason. I’m moving forward and I’m not going to look back.

The insecure, unsure of herself little girl inside of me, is tempted. Very tempted. However, this will be one time when lust will not rule my world. It’s about fucking time.

OK, now that I’ve vented, I’m going to go finish my beer and find some food.

Until next time….

– Powered By Stuffr! –

OK fellas, listen up. This is what we find boring in the sack! Take heed and learn from this, mmmkay? My comments (if any) will be in bolded italics

7 Things Women Find Boring in Bed.
by Melissa LaRicca
Courtesy of Askmen.com

I’m sure that “boring lover” is not something you want on your dating resumé. In order to help you circumvent this horrible fate, I have compiled a list of the seven things women find boring in bed. So read on and learn what not to do if you want to keep ‘em coming back for more.

#1- Asking for permission
There’s nothing sexy about a man who asks for permission to have sex with his woman. A good lover knows how to let her know he’s in the mood and turn her on without ever having to ask. Something as simple as an intense look or a certain touch is a much better way of going about it.

The last sentence says it all. No reason to ask permission, but let us know! Unless of course, your woman has demanded that you ask for permission. Then that’s a different story and topic all together!

#2- Predictability
If you’ve been together for a while, this can definitely be a problem. Part of the reason why things were so hot between you and your woman when you first got together was because you didn’t know what to expect. If you want to maintain a similar level of excitement with your woman months or even years down the road, you have to keep it fresh.

Don’t be afraid to try new things that you’ll both enjoy; never let it get to a point where she can anticipate your every move. For instance, if you usually spend five minutes on foreplay, spend 15 minutes next time and tease her mercilessly. She won’t know what hit her. And soon, neither will you.

boring boring boring. take the advice in paragraph 2, k?

#3- Mechanical sex
Most women will agree that sex without passion is quite dull; no woman wants to be treated like a blow-up doll — well, maybe occasionally. I’m not saying that every sexual encounter has to be mind-blowing, it’s just that you should never ignore the fact that, no matter how cool she is, she’s still a woman who would like nothing more than to be treated as such. So be the lover of her dreams and make love to her at least once in a while.

Can’t really add much to this one. Just gotta say, Amen!

#4- Not going the extra mile
Although many women — as well as men — feel that they must be content with whatever sexual act they engage in with their partners, the truth is that they will eventually tire of a bare-bones routine — pardon the pun. So, if you want to prevent her from ever tiring of you, you must put in a little extra effort every once in a while.

Here comes the dreaded “R” word. You guessed it: romance. The fact that most women don’t even expect this at this point in the devolution of dating is to your great advantage because if you are romantic every once in a while, she’ll wonder what distant planet you hail from and be all over you — trust me.

For instance, leave her love notes describing what you’d like her to do to you, what you’d like to do to her, and what she should slip into or out of while she anxiously awaits your return. Make her a romantic dinner for two, play some mood music, and seduce her. Write her a song and make her melt. Make it about pleasing her next time and not only will she not be bored, she may just do anything to please you in return.

Romance? What’s that?

#5- Same location
If your woman has memorized the cracks in your bedroom ceiling, you’re in trouble. But don’t worry, a simple change of location can fix this situation. Take it to the shower, the kitchen table, your car, a secluded beach, the woods… the possibilities are endless. Use your imagination and try not to get caught.

Isn’t variety the spice of life? Spice it up!

#6- Too vocal or not vocal enough
Excessive grunting or repeating certain words can be just as tiresome as making no noise at all. So try to find a comfortable medium that lets her know you’re enjoying yourself without letting the whole neighborhood know as well. The right choice of words can also be a turn-on for many women, and no, it doesn’t necessarily have to be the three little ones that you dread.

Telling her that what she’s doing feels amazing, that she looks hot, or what you’d like to do to her or have her do to you will go a long way in preventing the boredom from setting in.

I just can’t add anything to this

#7- Never experimenting
If you’ve been with your woman for a while, and want to keep each other turned on, you had better try some new positions, spill your fantasies, engage in role playing, and anything else that will serve to spice things up, or you risk breaking up out of sheer bedroom boredom.

Exactly. Experiment a little bit. Don’t know what she likes? Fucking ask her. 9 outta 10 times, she’ll tell you.

Pour yourselves a glass of wine or two, and talk about what turns you on, and you may just end up fulfilling these fantasies sooner than you think.

That about sums up the seven boring bedroom blunders. But don’t stress, most women don’t have insane expectations, they just want to see you make the extra effort every once in a while.

Just remember that the opposite of boring is spontaneous and unexpected; so if you try to be the latter sometimes, you should never bore her in bed. Just make sure that you’re with a woman who’ll want nothing more than to please you in return.

OK, I’m sure all you guys out there learned something from this. Put it to the test and let us know how it goes!

I’ve been cruising Askmen.com for something good to talk about. Something funny to blog about caught my eye and I just have to post it and talk about it. This should be interesting. My comments will be in italics

10 Irritating Things Men Do In Bed.
by Dr. Victoria Zdrok

So you think you’re a pretty good lover? You have all of the sexual positions down pat. You know all the moan zones. You’re well stocked with condoms, lube and batteries for her favorite sex toys. You have a standing order at your florist to deliver flowers on her birthday and Valentine’s Day. That should be enough, right? Wrong!

Even the best lover can become irritating if he doesn’t pay attention to his partner. Here is my list of the top 10 most irritating things men do in bed.

I just have to ask, do guys really do this one?

#1- Leaving your socks or shoes on
Forget what you learned from watching porn. If you are one of those guys that tends to rush getting undressed in the throes of passion, take your socks off first and stash them far, far away from her sensitive nose. Otherwise, try to undress as slowly as you can, and remember to remove your pants last.

If you’re a guy and you do #1, stop it. Just don’t.

#2- Answering your cell phone
Cell phone use during intercourse seems to be at an all-time high. According to a BBDO Worldwide survey, 15% of Americans have interrupted sex to answer a cell phone call. To resist the urge to drop her breast for your ringing phone, turn it off before you begin foreplay. This is particularly true if your mother has a tendency to check up on you during the day. If she is likely to call, make sure to turn off your answering machine as well.

Seriously? Cell phones need to be turned off. Period. Otherwise, the girl will be turned off

#3- Engaging in small talk
Women love vocal, erudite men, but during intercourse is not the time to show off your gregariousness. And ditch the tautological demagoguery about the origin of the universe. The only thing you should be talking about is how much she turns you on and how great it feels to be inside her.

It’s OK, I had to look up some of these words too. Guys? Don’t do this. Please, thanks!

#4- Watching anything other than her
This includes sports broadcasts. To avoid the temptation of staring at the TV, turn it off; better yet, remove it from your bedroom. A study by an Italian sexologist has found that couples who have a TV set in their bedroom have sex only half as often as those who don’t. Other frequent transgressions include checking a clock or observing your pecs or beer belly in the mirror.

You are supposed to be looking at your woman (preferably in her eyes), and that means forgetting everything else. If you feel yourself getting distracted, try to redirect your attention by practicing mindfulness — staying in the moment by tuning all of your senses to your current experience. Focus on the softness of her skin, the aroma of her hair and the sounds of her moans.

I can’t even add anything to this one.

#5- Drooling on her (or spitting globs of saliva on her face)
You can use your saliva as a moisturizer on her genitals, but keep it away from her face. It’s gross, and she won’t care if you’ve seen it in some adult movie.

That’s just fucking gross. Don’t do it.

#6- Collapsing two seconds after your climax
In your defense, there is a physiological reason that men feel sleepy after orgasm, and this is because the post-climactic blood rush depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen, leaving them feeling physically drained. Glycogen loss also triggers the release of adenosine, which acts as a messenger to the cells, triggering sleep. Because men have more muscle mass than women, men are more likely to feel sleepy just when their partners are yearning for some après-sex cuddling.

But, just like you rose above your physiology’s tendency to reach orgasm in two to five minutes, you can rise above this sleepiness reflex. Put some energetic dance music on the stereo, turn the lights on, have a sip of Sex Kola or another high-caffeine drink, or practice lovemaking in a place where you are unlikely to doze off, like on the kitchen counter. Whatever it takes, give your partner the romancing she needs while she is cooling down from the heat of your manly passion.

I don’t know if I agree with this one …. I might just collapse too.

#7- Mentioning the sexual skills of other women
Don’t ever, ever talk about other women while making love. Women particularly resent you mentioning your ex-girlfriends or comparing your current experience to that with any other woman. Needless to say, consider any reference to a concurrent wife or girlfriend to be a total taboo. There might be an occasional exception, such as when she asks you to imagine having a threesome with Angelina Jolie or some other woman who turns her on. But otherwise, the rule is: When her panties come off, she is the only woman in the world for you.

This is a good one. I think this one would be acceptable the minute it’s acceptable for me to talk about any of my exes and their prowess in the sack

#8- Turning sex into stand-up comedy
You may be a potential winner at amateur night at your local Comedy Store, but forget about giggling, snickering, laughing or telling jokes while making love. While women love a good sense of humor, and it’s a great seduction tool, being silly or laughing can hamper her arousal and trivialize the sexual experience for her, so lose your humor with your clothes. You can pick it up again during post-coital bliss — after you’ve told her how great it was for you.

Guys do this? Damn. Don’t do that. Bad bad bad

#9- Using infantile pet names for body parts
Call a clit a clit, and a vagina is a vagina, not a wee-wee. She doesn’t care what you call your penis when you’re masturbating or telling guy jokes with your buddies, or what your mother called it when she was changing your diapers. She wants to feel that she is a grown-up woman experiencing mature lovemaking with a real prince charming, and not a little girl “playing doctor.” Sex is an adult activity, so grow up before engaging in it.

Ummmm I can’t add anything to this one cause well….it’s true

10- Forgetting about your physiological differences
She is not a RealDoll made to withstand 250 pounds of pressure, nor is her vagina ready to receive pillow-pounding thrusts from the first moment of contact. A woman’s vagina is designed to receive maximum stimulation in its outer one to two inches and to expand (through a process called “tenting”) to receive deeper and harder thrusts as her arousal progresses. So starting slowly, shallowly and gently allows her to enjoy it much more — and prevents you from climaxing too soon — and also gives her time to work up to those heavy hip slammers.

Alternating positions, putting her on top for a time, or going sideways or doggie style, keeps her from feeling crushed or unable to contribute to your lovemaking. Remembering that a woman takes longer to arouse and reach orgasm — and learning to be patient and gentle, and to hold back until she is ready — is not only good manners, it is what makes a man a lover.

Amen. I think that’s all I can say.

Blow her mind – So now you’re fully stocked with all the information you’ll need to know to keep your reputation as the best lover she’s ever had.

As everyone has guessed by now, I read Glamour and Cosmo on a regular basis. Both magazines have provided me with lots of blogging fodder. The articles I post about can be funny, heartwarming and important to people (OK, maybe just me).

This one is the bill of rights. this is Your Love and Sex Bill of Rights. It’s for women. Men can read and learn too. I copied and pasted the article and my comments (if any) will be in italics.

Your Love and Sex Bill of Rights
by Shaun Dreisbach

I once dated a woodpecker. OK, it just felt that way: He was actually an adorable, funny, smart guy—whose idea of kissing was quick, spastic tongue pokes interspersed with lip mushing. After a few dates, I wiped off my mouth, picked up the phone and took a poll of all my friends on how I should handle it. Should I say something? Did I even have the right to speak up, since everything else about us was great? The resounding consensus: Hell, yes! In the end, I told him that I found it really sexy to be kissed slooowly and smoothly, then I demonstrated. Things were a lot less rat-a-tat-tat after that. As my wise friends taught me, it’s every woman’s inalienable right to be satisfied in all parts of a relationship. Here are 10 other things you absolutely deserve—in bed and out. Know them, claim them and be happier in love!

You have the right to pry.

“Of course you want to know if the guy across the candlelit table from you is sleeping with anyone else. That’s not interrogating, it’s being safe. But injecting those extremely personal questions into your typical date is a lot easier said than done.”

I think we need to skip the clever segues and just ask. You can say you feel weird about asking, but ask. I have always asked if they were seeing/sleeping with someone else. It’s my right to know that information – six degrees of separation is not fun sometimes.

You have the right to great sex.

After treating thousands of women, psychiatrist Anita Clayton, M.D., has noted a surprising trend: “Many women settle for mediocre sex—even those who demand the best in every other part of their lives,” says Dr. Clayton, who compiled her observations in the book Satisfaction: Women, Sex and the Quest for Intimacy. “You don’t need multiple orgasms, but sex should be fun and intimate more often than not. You deserve it!”

Amen, sister. Amen.

You have the right to romance.

My husband is not a hand-holder. (He claims it was drilled into him as a Boy Scout that he should never walk hand-in-hand in the woods, lest he fall and drag the other person down with him. Really!) I, however, love having my hand held. He’ll occasionally humor me with a 30-second clench but not more. And that’s fine, because there are plenty of other things I do get: surprise peonies, love notes left around the house, foot massages after a hellish day. (I know, he’s a good one.) Getting at least some of these things is your right—but you may have to ask. “For men, the most intimate gesture is intercourse,” Dr. Saltz explains, “but for women, it’s the romantic things. So unless you say it’s important, it probably won’t cross his mind.” Oh, you also deserve some good old-fashioned chivalry. Letting him carry your suitcase doesn’t set women back. It just means you like being cared for. (But do be considerate and buy a wheelie.)

You have the right to be you during sex—not Elsa the Naughty Maid.

“You should never feel like you’re bowing to a man’s fantasies,” says sex therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of Chicago’s Berman Center. That goes for anything: role-playing, anal sex, using battery-operated toys if you’re a more low-tech kinda gal. But, says Brian, 26, “It’s better to tell him your limits when you first start hooking up. Waiting till he tries it and then saying no is frustrating.” Bottom line: Be direct. “Say ‘I do not want to do that,’” says Drew Pinsky, M.D., host of the syndicated radio show Loveline. “You hold all the power sexually. Own it, assert it and guys will almost always be OK with it.”

thank God for that. I think I’ve always been myself during sex. Role playing is not a turn on for me.

You have the right to get what you give in bed.

Do men ever have trouble requesting oral sex? Exactly. And you shouldn’t either. Any guy worth sleeping with will want to know what turns you on—and welcome any new tricks to add to his repertoire. So ask already! But do it kindly, suggests Dr. Pinsky. “Sounding frustrated or mad will make the guy shrink—literally and figuratively. So will saying, ‘But my last five boyfriends did it!’”

Hear that fellas? turn about fair play man.

You have the right to cry.

The world would probably be a better place if more men did too. What men should not do is gawk, criticize or insist that you just calm down. But do understand: “Crying is scary to men!” says Dr. Pinsky. “To us, it’s a sign that something completely earth-shattering is happening. We feel powerless and have no idea what to do.” So tell him what you want (a shoulder, a tissue, some space)—he won’t know otherwise

I will never give up my right to cry. I don’t know about the rest of you!

You have the right to walk away.

Even if he’s “perfect.” Even if your mother adores him, your friends can’t believe your luck and your psychic predicts great things. If your inner voice isn’t sold, don’t ignore it—just because he’s “perfect” doesn’t mean he’s perfect for you. That’s what Sharon Campbell, 40, of Boston, discovered. She called off her wedding two weeks before her bridal shower. “Deep down I knew that I really didn’t love him—but I felt like I would never find someone to take care of me the way he did,” she says. “I realized that I want to be with a man who I’m passionate about—and now I am.”

That’s a good one. A lot of people think they don’t have a choice for whatever reason. And sometimes it’s difficult to remember this one.

You have the right to do it on the first date—or the tenth, or the fiftieth.

Who says you’re ready by the third date (or that you haven’t done it already)? Yes, he may wonder why he’s not getting any after several dates. So explain. Maybe you’ve rushed things before and been hurt. Maybe you’re a born-again virgin. Maybe you’re just not that into him. All good things for him to know. And for you to acknowledge

Now they’ve done it. They’ve given me justification for those times (few and far between) where I want to do it on the first date. At least I’ll be justified when the Crush and I finally get together. hahaha

You have the right to feel good about yourself in a relationship.

“When my ex-boyfriend and I would start to argue, he would give me the silent treatment,” says Rebecca Kohn, 29, of Chicago. “I would cry and beg him to talk to me but he wouldn’t. I began to question whether his response was right; that maybe I was naggy and overemotional. Then one day I read some old journals and realized that the things that upset me two weeks into our relationship were still huge issues a year later. It was a wake-up call. I realized that I deserved better and broke it off.” Ask yourself: Am I being my true self in this relationship? Do I feel valued and supported? Twenty-four-year-old Melanie Wissel’s answer was no: “I bought my ex football tickets and made him presents, but he wouldn’t even get me flowers on our anniversary,” she says. “We didn’t last long. If a guy doesn’t adore me, then he doesn’t deserve to be with me.” And ultimately, this is perhaps the most fundamental and important of all entitlements: someone who not only loves you but likes you—and who shows it over and over again.

To Thine Own Self Be True. That was the first thing I thought of when I read this part of the bills of rights. It takes a lot of courage to do it, but it can be done.

By Kimberly Bonnell and Pamela Redmond Satran

Just what the post title indicates. Here’s a list of the 12 things we (as women) need to stop waiting for in life. My commentary will follow.

1. His first move.
This is so true to a certain extent. I have found that if you don’t let them know you are interested, he won’t make that first move. Be aggressive, make it known you’re interested.

2. The ginger martini and chocolate chip cookie diet—ain’t gonna happen.
That is just fucking gross. Who would be waiting for THAT diet? GAH!!! I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

3. A decent raise. Earn it, ask for it, get it.
If you are NOT working in the world of civil service, this works wonders. Do it.

4. That gorgeous gay guy to change his mind.
Take it from a “fag hag” this will never happen, stop hoping, wishing and praying. If he’s gay, he’s gay. No turning back from that.

5. A sign to tell you what to do next.
HAHAHA I found this extremely funny. We all do it. We all ask for a “sign” on what to do next, what move to make, what to do, what to do.

6. A cellulite cure. Let’s worry about AIDS and cancer first.
Are there really people waiting for this to happen? Cellulite is a part of being human. Get used to it, get over it

7. Your ex to say he’s really sorry. Don’t worry— karma will get him in the end.
What comes around goes around baby. Just wait. It’ll happen.

8. The bathroom to clean itself.
DAMNIT!!! It won’t clean itself? Fuck, I didn’t know that.

9. Monogamy to be easy (same goes for flossing).
I have found monogamy to be MUCH easier than flossing, I don’t know about you. LOL

10. New Year’s. Make the resolution today.
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I just make a decision and do it, doesn’t matter what time of year it is.

11. Your mother’s approval. If you’re happy, she will be too (eventually).
I guess it depends on the relationship between you and your mom.

12. A man to change everything in your life. Change it yourself now—he’ll catch up with you later.
Amen to that. I don’t know what else to say about this one, just amen.

I have discovered a new thing. I love Askmen.com. I know, it’s supposed to be for men, however I’m finding all kinds of cool shit there. They have some great information for blogging and I love reading stuff from the guy’s point of view.

So this list, is from there and it’s the Top 10 List of Men that all women love. I may have a few things to say about this one!

Top Ten Men that All Women Love.
by Ryan Murphy

It was Thomas Jefferson who said, “All men are created equal.” And I believe it was Brad Pitt who said, “Think again.” It’s a fact that some guys are far more attractive to the opposite sex than others — and it might surprise you that it often has little to do with their personal appearance.

Take Mick Jagger, for instance: If The Rolling Stones’ frontman had completed his degree in accounting, women of all walks of life would be turning down his advances at cocktail parties. Instead, Sir Mick got into rock ‘n’ roll and, five decades later, he’s still routinely bedding Brazilian beauty queens.

Luckily, rock stars aren’t the only kind of guys the fairer sex responds to, so put that guitar down and save your neighbor’s ears, for heaven’s sake. Read on as we discuss 10 stock male archetypes that no woman can resist.

10. The Marlboro Man
There are few men in America who live up to their romantic ideal more than the tobacco-singed Marlboro Man. Dressed in a Stetson and a pair of leather chaps, this rugged wrangler is strong, independent and hardy — three admirable virtues that this great country was built on. Women can’t resist his ability to survive in the wilderness — all alone. A girl can tell that a guy like this won’t be leaving that third message on her answering machine asking why she didn’t return his first two calls. Plus, all girls know that any guy who spends that much time riding with a sweaty beast between his legs must be a dynamo in the sack. I would have to disagree with this one. I like the whole cowboy look thing, but not specifically the Marlboro Man. I guess I can’t get that stupid movie out of my head when reading this #10 on the list.

9. The Cook
Whoever said that power is the greatest aphrodisiac obviously didn’t know how to make a decent quiche. That’s because few things bring a woman to her knees faster than a man who actually knows what he’s doing in the kitchen. In addition to his ability to prepare food that doesn’t induce crippling stomach cramps, The Cook also earns high marks for his whimsical creativity and his personal panache. Mind you, The Cook’s appeal isn’t all about garnishes and gnashes. When a woman sees this Wolfgang Puckhead, she doesn’t only see a man in a grease-spattered, frilly apron, she sees a provider who can take care of himself — as well as her — and who can appreciate the finer things in life. Absolutely. I agree with this 100%. Nothing sexier than a man who can cook!

8. The Surgeon
Apart from mocha fudge ice cream and Dirty Dancing, there are few things that turn on women more than The Surgeon. That’s because this highly trained medical professional has made it his life’s mission to make others feel better. He’s compassionate, he’s attentive and, if necessary, he can get his perfectly manicured hands on a lifetime of Cialis. All things being equal, his ability to bring the dead back to life is also slightly more impressive than your ability to burp the alphabet. Hmmm yeah, I’d have to say there are quite a few men who make this look good. There are some, however, that just do nothing for me. MY surgeon? My friend who sat with my mom during my surgery said that he was sexy, so I guess this one is correct too. (OK, if he wasn’t taking out my uterus, I probably would have thought he was sexy too)

7. The Fireman
Few other professionals have it made quite like The Fireman does. After all, this brave soul has three things that all women love: a dangerous job, a cool uniform and a long hose. Apart from those obvious accoutrements, what women truly adore about The Fireman is that he routinely puts his life on the line in the interest of helping others. Also, his bestselling line of Beefcake Calendars is also a lot easier on the eyes than those of his fellow professionals, The Plumber and The Computer Guy. OH YEAH. Firemen are definitely hot. I think that’s all I can say without gushing

6. The Dog Owner
Whether he’s as furry as a St. Bernard or as hairless as a Chihuahua, no woman can resist The Dog Owner. That’s because any man who is responsible enough to care for a wayward mutt is also theoretically capable of caring for a wife and child — an attribute that no woman above the age of 30 can resist. Please note: The Dog Lover is not to be confused with an entirely different species known as The Sheep Lover. Only Scottish women can dig a guy like that. I love a stud who can confidently walk down the street with a small dog. Someone I used to work with is a Marine, cop and generally sexier than shit and he owns a Yorkshire Terrier. He brought it to our going away party at the station and WOW! He was a little sexier in my eyes after that day

5. The Sensitive Artist
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on and that’s precisely where The Sensitive Artist comes in. This sweater-vest-wearing pushover combines the listening skills of an eagle with the sexual vitality of a eunuch, making him a perfectly nonthreatening friend for any female. She’ll call him over for a cry fest, he’ll empathize, start crying with her, and before you know it, they’ll be doing the nasty all over their crumpled balls of tissue paper. His hobbies include quoting Sartre, discussing the meaninglessness of life and cultivating a tiny patch of hair beneath his lower lip. Make no mistake about it: He is the enemy. Sweater vest wearing? Fuck that.

4. The Foreigner
Slightly swarthy and deeply mysterious, The Foreigner speaks with a discernable accent and has visited dozens of places you can’t even pronounce. Women love him because of his over-the-top chivalric gestures and his never-ending promises to whisk them off to romantic far-away lands. You, on the other hand, despise him because unlike you, his palate can actually differentiate between a 1984 merlot and strawberry Kool-Aid, and he smells like a sun-roasted garlic patch. Hmm I don’t know about this one. However, I do love a good Scottish accent on a guy.

3. The Musician
It doesn’t matter that he shares an apartment with seven other guys or that his band is named Atomic Festus Sludge, the fact remains that all women love a man who can carry a tune. They especially love it when he can write a song just about them, even if it sounds suspiciously like Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven.” Keep in mind, however, that not all musicians are created equal. Although most women would gladly fling their panties at a crooner like Tom Jones, only the most drunken of revelers would throw their Hanes at a wedding singer in a ruffled tuxedo shirt. I’ll pass on the musician. Thanks. Too unstable for me.

2. The Surfer
Perfectly tanned and ridiculously toned, The Surfer looks as though he just emerged from a Men’s Fitness cover shoot. And that’s a good thing too, because conversation isn’t his strong suit. In fact, The Surfer spends most of his life discussing “sick waves” and “tubular barrels,” proving once and for all that he’s likely swallowed as much sea water as he’s surfed. Nonetheless, chicks love him because his life is a stress-free, endless summer of sun, fun and mid-morning bong hits. For eye candy? I love the surfer guy. I like to go to San Clemente just to see all the surfers. Eye Candy only for me

1. The Bad Boy
He’s grizzled, he’s dangerous and he knows 27 ways to snap your neck using only his forefinger and thumb. He’s The Bad Boy, and when given the opportunity to choose, women will almost always select this unshaven stud on the Harley over the handsomely groomed accountant in the Acura. After all, The Bad Boy lives life on the edge, playing by his own rules and answering to no one. Ironically, what women love most about this Neolithic man is the challenge of savagely breaking his spirits until they’ve transformed him into the kind of mild-mannered guy they never would have dated in the first place. Unfortunately, yeah. Bad boys are definitely alluring. I try to stay away from them though haha

be her dream guy
Now that you understand the male archetypes women crave, you’re one step closer to capturing their hearts. So what are you waiting for? Make yourself positively irresistible by taking a cooking class, learning how to surf or by joining your volunteer fire department. After all, the key to landing your very own dream girl is becoming the man of her dreams.

I have to say I’m upset that a Police Officer did not make this list. A lot of women go ga-ga over cops and love the uniform thing and the badge. Hmmm I’m offended they didn’t make the list. I’ll get over it though!

I was listening to the radio this morning while taking Josie to the groomer and it was talking about a list found over at Ask Men.com.

This list was of the Top Ten Instant turn ons for men. So all you guys out there, let me know if this is true…

10. She has an accent
There’s nothing like the sound of an exotic accent to get a guy’s engines revving. Whether she’s British, French, Irish, Italian, or from anywhere else, it’s a sure bet that a man will be taken in by that foreign lilt or intonation. Accents are especially exciting when the woman throws in some words from her native language. What could be sexier than trying to guess what exactly she said she wanted you to do to her?

9. She admits to loving sex.
Many men lament the fact that their lady doesn’t want or get off on sex as much as he does. So when a woman tells a dude that she loves sex, it’s a huge turn-on. When a man knows that any time he feels like gettin’ it on, his woman will be more than willing and able, well, it may be time to refurnish the bedroom, because you’re going to be spending a whole bunch of time in there.

8. She drives a motorcycle
Think about how cool and confident you feel when you hit the road on your chopper. Now, imagine how a woman feels riding one of those bad boys. Next, think about how she looks when she feels that way. Getting the picture? It’s just sexy to see a chick on a bike — particularly when she’s clad in form-fitting leather chaps. Female bikers give off a carefree vibe, as well as the sense of mystery that comes with face-masking helmets. There’s a reason why all bike manufacturers like to market their merchandise alongside scantily-clad models — because it never fails to make men look.

7. She has a sexy voice
Men love to hear the tones of a woman’s sexy voice. Whether it’s husky or has that soft, caressing touch, a woman’s voice can send shivers down a man’s spine via his auditory system. Think of the Marilyn Monroe’s famous “Happy Birthday” song or Liv Tyler’s otherworldly tone in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. If a woman’s inflections sound like that, a man will fall for her from the ears on down.

6. She has nice breasts
Men love breasts. This is a cold, hard fact. Just look at the astounding number of similes we’ve invented to describe them: knockers, rack, melons, headlights, and assets, to name but a few. Without getting into the psychology underlying this common obsession, it’s sufficient to say that a woman with a great bust line is always attractive to a man. It’s probably a good thing the female gender was the one to get the breasts. Had it turned out otherwise, we’d get nothing done — we’d be home all day fondling them.

The view from behind isn’t that bad, either

5. She has a great ass
Okay, men also love asses. A shapely butt on a woman is a sure-fire turn-on to any guy. The way it moves when she walks — that slight jiggle of the hips and sway of the cheeks — is pretty much a mating signal. After all, there’s a reason they call it a “booty call.” Men are easily hypnotized by a fine female gluteus maximus , and will pretty much drop everything (literally and figuratively) to get a closer look.

4. She looks like a porn star
Yes, men are easily smitten by a babe who looks like she came straight off the box cover of an adult video. Here, once again, it’s all in the visuals. Whether it’s the way she unabashedly embraces her sexuality or the “come hither” look on her face, the girl who looks and acts wanton will always have a horde of men buzzing around her. Want proof? Count the number of strip clubs in your town.

3. She has full lips
Men like to kiss women. And men really like to kiss women with great lips. A full, sensuous mouth has always been a giant turn-on. The sight of a woman with beautiful, lush lips makes men think of how said lips would feel as they kissed the many different body parts he has to offer. Just think of Angelina Jolie’s perfect lips. What man wouldn’t want to get a taste of those?

2. She talks dirty
It’s the lucky man who gets the girl who loves to talk dirty. As men are often the sexual initiators in bed, a woman who talks dirty is a prized catch. Guys love to hear a babe talk about the things she wants to do and have done to her. This is especially valued when he’s on the road on business. A guy’s hotel room seems a lot less lonely when he can get some rocking-good phone-sex from his lady back home.

1. You catch a peek of her undies
Sometimes, it’s all about the tantalizing prospect of what a girl has underneath her clothes. In fact, many men often prefer the sight of a skimpy outfit that’s slightly revealing to actually seeing the naked female body. For women this is hard to believe, but true nonetheless.

So when a man gets a glimpse of a thong gently peeking above a beltline or the shadow of a lacy bra through a shirt, all he can do is dazedly wonder what else is under there. Quite often, the rest of his day is shot because those images will have been burned into his brain, keeping him aroused until he can get home and do something about it. Happy daze indeed.

For Honorable Mention, Askmen.com has the following:

Her tongue is pierced
Once a guy sees a pierced tongue, he can’t help but imagine how it might feel in an, um, “intimate” situation. A tongue piercing indicates that the gal sporting it throws herself into bedroom sports above and beyond the call of duty. That never fails to get men to rise to attention.