The Soda Stand

I was sitting at work yesterday when, fairly early in the morning, I realized a few things.  I learned something about me and I learned something about people.  It was like a light came on and I had me an epiphany.

I’ll be doing this in bullet style.

• I learned that sometimes the person who is gossiping with you about a co-worker will turn around and gossip ABOUT you to another co-worker.
• I know this is a behavior I’ve done myself, here at work and outside of work.
• I learned I don’t want to be that way anymore.
• I’ve added this behavior to my self-improvement plan of things I need to improve upon and not do anymore.
• I learned I’m more patient than I gave myself credit for when it comes to some of the requests at work.
• I wish I could learn that patience outside of work and with myself.
• Shoulda, coulda, woulda will make regrets seem bigger than life sometimes.

While I rarely, if ever, participate in malicious gossip mongering anymore, I still do it.  There is this one person at work that several people talk about.  I laugh and just let the talk continue.  This makes me just as culpable as the people saying it.  Letting this talk continue in my presence is something I need to work on.  I don’t want to be culpable in that anymore.  It’s not who I am and it’s not who I want to be.

I’m human and I know that I am not perfect.  I’ve gossiped.  I’ve talked badly about people and I’ve been a bitch to several people in my past.  I don’t like that part of me.  I just don’t.  I think it’s mean and rotten just for the sake of being mean and rotten.  If the person has done nothing to me personally, I’m going to be working on not talking about them at all.   I also will work on it with those who DO stuff to me personally (supervisor, co-workers, etc). 

Feeling justified in my talking smack about someone (whether deserved or not) is not how I want to do things.  Just because that person is one way, does NOT make it okay for me to do it.  It does not make it okay for me to sit on this blog and talk shit about my boss or anyone else.  No matter how badly she treats me or how badly I’d like to punch her in the throat most days, I will be working on not talking about her on here after this post. 

It’ll be difficult for me.  Any type of change I make from the inside is difficult.  It’s a change of behavior and those are never easy to change.  I will slip and fall, but I’ll get back up and do it again.

The epiphany I had really opened my eyes to my own behavior and so you’ll get to witness yet another Evolution of Sodapop as I go through this transitional change of behaviors.

Until next time…

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