Ya know.  I dislike it greatly when I have the “program” thrown in my face when I am NOT ready to have that program thrown in my face.   I HATE (read:  living in denial) when the mirror I’m always preaching about is turned around on me when I’m NOT ready.

As I’ve mentioned before, my trainer and I have butted heads several times over some training issues.  She tends to just expect me to know a task, without really explaining said task.  This irritates the shit out of me and I get fussy.   When I ask her a question on said task, she gets fussy.  It’s like this never ending circle.

She’s been VERY sweet the last few days.  She even came to me today, after explaining a task and said “I know it’s really hard right now and you feel overwhelmed, but I promise it will get easier and you’ll start going faster.”

I thanked her for that because sometimes it seems the two of us expect me to know things even when I’ve never been shown.  She agreed and we laughed and giggled about how alike we are when it comes to expectations of ourselves.

*le sigh*   While I KNOW that I’ve never bit the head off of one of my trainees I’ve had, I completely see where she is with the expectations of oneself and sometimes others.  Especially when they see potential.  I know that my expectations of at least one of my trainees was so high, when he did not or could not wrap his brain around it, I got frustrated.   The difference between me and my trainer?  I did not bite his head off, nor did I show him my frustration.

All that fussing and bitching I was doing about her was thrown in my face the last two days.  Today was just an example of the last few days at work.   Monday, the Manager Lady said we were just alike with our work habits.   Yesterday, one of the 56 hour people said I reminded him of her, because of an answer I gave him regarding some of the vacation time.  And then today’s incident.

After that little conversation she and I shared, I decided I needed to give her a break.  She’s NEVER had to train anyone before.  She’s been doing this ONE job for 14 years, first for EMS and for the last several years the fire department.   She’s been the ONLY person doing this job for about 3 years.  Now that I’ve looked in the mirror, I’m turning it away from me again.  Cause who wants to sit there and look in their own mirror constantly?

I need to take my rent check to the office tomorrow.  Blah.  Yeah, I’ll have the $35 cable fee with it.  Nickle and diming me for this shit.  Whatev.  As soon as I can afford it, I’m moving.  Well, I’ll wait til my lease expires, but I’m going to move.  I don’t like it here.  I haven’t liked it since the furniture got here and I had that mishap with the big couch.  I miss that big couch.

Although there is NO room in this tiny little place for it, I still think those fuckers could have tried harder to get it in here for me.  They KNEW I didn’t know anyone here and they KNEW I would not let it sit in my hallway until I did know someone.  Seriously.  Who would expect me to leave that couch in the middle of my hallway and climb over and under it each time I wanted to go to the bathroom, go to my room or go to the 2nd room?  Give me a break.

I’m not bitter or anything.

Until next time…