OK. I’ve been talking about this for ages it seems. I’ve done nothing but think it to death all day today. I’m not making this a password protected post, because since the information is now public (meaning the person it’s about knows), I’m not going to hide anymore. If they find my blog, they find my blog.
The person I am attracted to has a girlfriend. Errr, let me rephrase that. The person I’m attracted to has told me that they are in a relationship with someone they recently met. Hmph. Female? Male? Either way, he’s spoken for. So that means I have to suddenly (RIGHT!!!!) turn off my crush and act “normal” in the GA meetings/functions I see him at.
Who makes these rules anyway? Rule #1 - if your crush is committed or taken or spoken for, you must not feel anything for them ever again. Fuck you. I was told by a GA member today, when I was discussing it that I needed to turn my feelings off and be his friend. OK. I will be his friend, I will walk beside him in recovery. I promise. I will. But to turn off my feelings for him and just act like I’m totally over it? Fuck you. Oh. I repeated myself.
I’ve been digesting all of this information today and then I talked to a GA member who is NOT my sponsor and then I talked to my local sponsor. My sponsor made me feel so much better about the situation. He, of course, threw some program shit at me that I did not want to hear. But it’s what I needed to hear. I heard it and I’m digesting it. The words I remember:
- Mature of both of you to discuss it this way
- Proud of you for doing this
- Wouldn’t you want a strong friendship before jumping into something else anyway?
- Keep your chin up and see what happens
- It was very honest of both of you to bring it to light the way you did.
So instead of focusing on the Mr./Mrs. Negativity who keep telling me I need to just get over this guy, I’m focusing on what GB said to me.
He did jokingly tell me I should have just planted a kiss on the guy and then take it from there. I told him that the old me would have. The old me would have gotten my ass up to Indy the weekend after I met him, instead of waiting almost 3 weeks to get up there to re-connect. The old me would have thrown myself at him and made a complete fool of Sodapop. And Miss Sodapop don’t do that anymore.
While I am extremely disappointed, my feelings are hurt a bit and it’s NOT what I wanted to hear, what a beautiful thing to be able to express myself and he express himself, honestly, up frontly and with integrity.
I am still disappointed.
Until next time…
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7:42 pm
Turn your feelings off? Whatev! I agree with GB. I’m very proud of you … and CBFI1 handled it well so I don’t even have a reason to kick his ass. Le sigh. Hmmm but I didn’t think about the lack of pronoun on his behalf. That usually means one thing … look at me, spreading rumors. LOL
7:49 pm
Monique spreading confusion is more like it LOL “that usually means one thing…” please clarify? LOL
7:53 pm
Lack of pronouns can be a sign, in my experience, that the person doesn’t want you to know which gender they are talking about. But … he totally confuses me so fuck if I know. LOL
8:11 pm
Monique oh duh! LOL yeah he confuses me as well. I wonder if it’s M. I need to grill him.
10:05 pm
So the hell with him….what about cute payroll guy????
11:00 pm
Ya…cute payroll guy!? any chance there!
Srsly though, I’m so sorry your heart broke, even if it was just a little bit. Chin up!
And, as always, HUGS!
12:17 am
sorry things didn’t go the way you wanted… sending you a hug!
6:38 am
Gypsy911 Cute Payroll Guy is 25 years old. While I normally do not have problems with age differences, if they are younger than my best friend’s brother in Vegas - I do not go there.
And besides that, he has a girlfriend as well.
Jen See my above answer to Gypsy911
I can’t say my heart “broke” but it did get bruised a little bit. *hugs*
FG thank you! I can use all the hugs I can get! *hugs*
10:00 am
Same thing happened to me recently: told a girl I was totally into her (after she had broken up with bf), was completely rejected because she was going to be with someone else, and that she wants us to remain friends. I felt all the typical feelings in that situation: anger, embarrassment, frustration, disappointment, depressed. It hurts… I mean, REALLY hurts. And, like you said, how can you be a friend with someone you have feelings for? It’s really tough and unfair.
The best thing I did was kind of stand back for a while, put some distance between us, and not talk to her… and while I might risk losing even a friendship because of that, it’s worth it to let yourself heal. I didn’t want to torture myself anymore, hearing about how happy she is with her new guy. But really, sometimes… you have to risk losing what you want the most to get it.
Good luck!
7:39 pm
It’s not easy and not many people can do it. I somehow can. If it comes out and I am turned down or whatever I manage to flip a switch in my head. I move on. I have found out that it’s not worth spending time thinking about the what if’s and letting it get me down when I could just turn that into friendly feelings and create something else. Unfortunately the problem is that I cannot flip that switch and go back to liking someone that way if they change their mind or feelings along the way. Once it’s done, it’s done.
It probably feels horrible right now and it is understandable but don’t stick to that feeling. Try to move on.
xx