The Soda Stand

I’ve been cruising Askmen.com for something good to talk about. Something funny to blog about caught my eye and I just have to post it and talk about it. This should be interesting. My comments will be in italics

10 Irritating Things Men Do In Bed.
by Dr. Victoria Zdrok

So you think you’re a pretty good lover? You have all of the sexual positions down pat. You know all the moan zones. You’re well stocked with condoms, lube and batteries for her favorite sex toys. You have a standing order at your florist to deliver flowers on her birthday and Valentine’s Day. That should be enough, right? Wrong!

Even the best lover can become irritating if he doesn’t pay attention to his partner. Here is my list of the top 10 most irritating things men do in bed.

I just have to ask, do guys really do this one?

#1- Leaving your socks or shoes on
Forget what you learned from watching porn. If you are one of those guys that tends to rush getting undressed in the throes of passion, take your socks off first and stash them far, far away from her sensitive nose. Otherwise, try to undress as slowly as you can, and remember to remove your pants last.

If you’re a guy and you do #1, stop it. Just don’t.

#2- Answering your cell phone
Cell phone use during intercourse seems to be at an all-time high. According to a BBDO Worldwide survey, 15% of Americans have interrupted sex to answer a cell phone call. To resist the urge to drop her breast for your ringing phone, turn it off before you begin foreplay. This is particularly true if your mother has a tendency to check up on you during the day. If she is likely to call, make sure to turn off your answering machine as well.

Seriously? Cell phones need to be turned off. Period. Otherwise, the girl will be turned off

#3- Engaging in small talk
Women love vocal, erudite men, but during intercourse is not the time to show off your gregariousness. And ditch the tautological demagoguery about the origin of the universe. The only thing you should be talking about is how much she turns you on and how great it feels to be inside her.

It’s OK, I had to look up some of these words too. Guys? Don’t do this. Please, thanks!

#4- Watching anything other than her
This includes sports broadcasts. To avoid the temptation of staring at the TV, turn it off; better yet, remove it from your bedroom. A study by an Italian sexologist has found that couples who have a TV set in their bedroom have sex only half as often as those who don’t. Other frequent transgressions include checking a clock or observing your pecs or beer belly in the mirror.

You are supposed to be looking at your woman (preferably in her eyes), and that means forgetting everything else. If you feel yourself getting distracted, try to redirect your attention by practicing mindfulness — staying in the moment by tuning all of your senses to your current experience. Focus on the softness of her skin, the aroma of her hair and the sounds of her moans.

I can’t even add anything to this one.

#5- Drooling on her (or spitting globs of saliva on her face)
You can use your saliva as a moisturizer on her genitals, but keep it away from her face. It’s gross, and she won’t care if you’ve seen it in some adult movie.

That’s just fucking gross. Don’t do it.

#6- Collapsing two seconds after your climax
In your defense, there is a physiological reason that men feel sleepy after orgasm, and this is because the post-climactic blood rush depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen, leaving them feeling physically drained. Glycogen loss also triggers the release of adenosine, which acts as a messenger to the cells, triggering sleep. Because men have more muscle mass than women, men are more likely to feel sleepy just when their partners are yearning for some après-sex cuddling.

But, just like you rose above your physiology’s tendency to reach orgasm in two to five minutes, you can rise above this sleepiness reflex. Put some energetic dance music on the stereo, turn the lights on, have a sip of Sex Kola or another high-caffeine drink, or practice lovemaking in a place where you are unlikely to doze off, like on the kitchen counter. Whatever it takes, give your partner the romancing she needs while she is cooling down from the heat of your manly passion.

I don’t know if I agree with this one …. I might just collapse too.

#7- Mentioning the sexual skills of other women
Don’t ever, ever talk about other women while making love. Women particularly resent you mentioning your ex-girlfriends or comparing your current experience to that with any other woman. Needless to say, consider any reference to a concurrent wife or girlfriend to be a total taboo. There might be an occasional exception, such as when she asks you to imagine having a threesome with Angelina Jolie or some other woman who turns her on. But otherwise, the rule is: When her panties come off, she is the only woman in the world for you.

This is a good one. I think this one would be acceptable the minute it’s acceptable for me to talk about any of my exes and their prowess in the sack

#8- Turning sex into stand-up comedy
You may be a potential winner at amateur night at your local Comedy Store, but forget about giggling, snickering, laughing or telling jokes while making love. While women love a good sense of humor, and it’s a great seduction tool, being silly or laughing can hamper her arousal and trivialize the sexual experience for her, so lose your humor with your clothes. You can pick it up again during post-coital bliss — after you’ve told her how great it was for you.

Guys do this? Damn. Don’t do that. Bad bad bad

#9- Using infantile pet names for body parts
Call a clit a clit, and a vagina is a vagina, not a wee-wee. She doesn’t care what you call your penis when you’re masturbating or telling guy jokes with your buddies, or what your mother called it when she was changing your diapers. She wants to feel that she is a grown-up woman experiencing mature lovemaking with a real prince charming, and not a little girl “playing doctor.” Sex is an adult activity, so grow up before engaging in it.

Ummmm I can’t add anything to this one cause well….it’s true

10- Forgetting about your physiological differences
She is not a RealDoll made to withstand 250 pounds of pressure, nor is her vagina ready to receive pillow-pounding thrusts from the first moment of contact. A woman’s vagina is designed to receive maximum stimulation in its outer one to two inches and to expand (through a process called “tenting”) to receive deeper and harder thrusts as her arousal progresses. So starting slowly, shallowly and gently allows her to enjoy it much more — and prevents you from climaxing too soon — and also gives her time to work up to those heavy hip slammers.

Alternating positions, putting her on top for a time, or going sideways or doggie style, keeps her from feeling crushed or unable to contribute to your lovemaking. Remembering that a woman takes longer to arouse and reach orgasm — and learning to be patient and gentle, and to hold back until she is ready — is not only good manners, it is what makes a man a lover.

Amen. I think that’s all I can say.

Blow her mind – So now you’re fully stocked with all the information you’ll need to know to keep your reputation as the best lover she’s ever had.

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